I wanted to post this much earlier, during the Father’s Day in June to be precise but I was too busy back then. Nevertheless since Australia’s version of Father’s Day fell only early this month, I reckon this does not come too late in Australia’s context. As suggested by the title, this post is dedicated to my father whom I passionately call Abah.
Abah and I are not that close. We are not the type of father and son who take pleasure in having morning coffee together, or go out fishing over the weekend. We barely talk to each other. Some say it is human nature that a son is closer to his mother compared to the other parent of his same gender. But I think it is more because of the manly egoist in both of us, neither tries to bend the nature. I guess that is how the world around us makes sense, both of us behaving like men.
Abah is not the type of father who yells at his children over the mistakes we did. Most of the time, he seems to be more comfortable to remain in his shell of silence. But when he gets upset, you can definitely tell by looking at his face, and of course we learn not to repeat the same mistake.
Abah is a kind of father which everyone dreams of to have as their own because in terms of materials, whatever his children want he would not wait a second to go get it. But of course that did not turn us, his children, into a materialistic bunch of kids. I guess because we seldom speak to each other, that has become the only way for him to express his love for me. I remember back then whenever my basketball sneakers could not be used any longer, I would just relate the news to him and soon I would get a new pair. And that was not only once or twice- from the age of 13 I guess I have damaged more than ten pairs, and apparently basketball sneakers do not come in cheap. Once, he even posted the new pair all the way from Shah Alam to Kuala Kangsar because I had a tournament coming up and could not get home in time.
I used to dislike the notion that behavioural attributes of a father eventually go down to son- I shrugged off Umi’s complaint that I was getting grumpier these days, just like my father- but as I grow up I guess not all the traits are bad after all, and I start to feel glad whenever Umi or anyone else repeated such statement.
Umi broke down incessantly amidst the debacle of me undergoing operation on my left hand when I was six, but not Abah. I remember emotionally he was strong enough he even got into the emergency room, trying untiringly to calm me down while the medical staffs struggled to get the many tiny pieces of glass out of the opening in my left palm. Now, if there is one thing that does not go down to me from Abah, I believe it is his sheer ability, his toughness to resist from crying. Man, I even cried for losing a basketball match.
I remember Abah always wanted me to become an accountant, or at least venturing into commerce field. Because he is now a retired bank officer, Umi said he wants ‘his legacy’ to continue in the family, and being the only son it looked like I fit the job most. I could not be bothered at giving it a serious thought though, until much later when Petronas stepped in to offer me scholarship, then only did I realized how bad a son I have become. If I can turn back the time, there is no doubt I will try all the way to fulfill his wish.
6 comments:
i liked the sentiment about not crying thing. not that im saying anything about you crying losing a basketball match. but maybe as people grows older, one have to be persistent enough no matter what situation they're in. i mean. it has to be balance right? would it worries you more if he broke down like everyone else? its like the either or thing.
its like, when you see everyones crying, you feel like not crying because the sadness is enough. but yeah some people are the other way around. but thats just how fathers are providing solid ground for their kids. that shell of secure-ness.
hmm. this makes me miss my dad. we never really have the time to spend together. the only time would be between times he picked me up from school. and to think back, i really looked foward for that moment.
i know im not brave enuf for not putting my name here. but im just someone who does not really matters. i just love to read people's post at rare times. im just a friend of your friend.
try say happy fathers day to your dad heh. its the thought that matters. haha. lucky you.
I'm also a friend of your friend. Really like ur post about this. I'm also not close to my dad,but i try my best to appreciate what he did for me. Often i felt guilty when i thought about the mistakes that i done to him. ~sigh~ But,crying is not bad at all. It's a way to release ur sadness and often after u cried, u become stronger and more resilient than b4. That's all. Later...
well quickly do a CIMA after your graduation. or better still, why not do it here while you are still studying, sort of doing a double degree. it will stretch you but you never know what you are capable of until you push yourself.
then you'll climb the corporate ladder very quickly, an engineer with accounting/management background.
and oh - you really need to improve that part where you have to speak. SPEAK. S-P-E-A-K.
People become CEOs because they can't stop talking.
Too late if you want to improve it when you enter the working world.
S-P-E-A-K
lidah kedu tidak berkerut,
tidak patah digigit gigi,
kasih ibu asalnya perut,
kasih ayah berisi budi.
pantai bersih tak dicemari,
gagah gelombang angin berlayar,
kekal kasih sampai mati,
itu hutang tidak berbayar.
hem, sedikit sebanyak terpalit padaku
aku tak selalu cakap banyak dengan abah aku. tapi aku suka dengar dia buat lawak jenaka.
kalau aku telefon rumah sekalipun, aku hanya boleh cakap banyak dengan mak aku saja. pelik sungguh.
dan aku rasa pelik kenapa abah selalu suruh pakai duit dia bila aku nak beli kasut, buku, CD games. Mungkin sebab masa kanak kanak riang dulu, aku selalu mengamuk mintak abah beli lego, power rangers, video games (micro genius, snes, nintendo 16).
Abah aku, pernah sekali saja aku nampak dia menangis, masa kebumikan arwah Pak Ngah aku, abang kepada abah aku. Itu pun aku nampak dia dekat belakang van jauh dari orang ramai.
Dan sedikit sebanyak ada juga dari abah yang turun kepada aku. *would not be disclosed*
hmm, percaya atau tidak, dalam diam kebanyakan anak lelaki cuba untuk menyaingi ayah mereka. cuba untuk menjadi 'setaraf' paling tidak. atau pun sekadar mengingatkan diri untuk tidak mengulangi kesilapan si ayah.
dan aku setuju,
"because of the manly egoist in both of us, neither tries to bend the nature"
salam =D
To all of you here, no words can summarize my feeling when reading these kind responses from you guys, the only thing I can say is I'm indeed touched. Thank you very much.
To the first two commenters, I respect your rights, but I would appreciate if you care to leave your name next time just so at least I am aware of who you are. Do know that everyone is welcome to leave comments here, that I take no one as 'someone that does not really matter'.
Thanks again and may God bless all of you.
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