A Friend's Father's Death

June 7th, 2008. Friend Izmel sent me an email telling me about his father being diagnosed by cancer. By the time the truth dawned upon everyone in the family, the cancer had already spread to the fourth level. Naturally the sudden news came as a shock to me, but gradually I gathered my composure and wrote him a reply, which contained words of encouragement more or less. Living thousands of miles away, I figured that that was the only thing I could do. He asked me not to talk to anyone about it, something that I did not agree with but I adhered to out of respect for him. Izmel also gave me his current mobile number, and welcomed me to Ipoh to visit his father if I ever get back to Malaysia.

June 15, 2008. Another email from Izmel, updates on his ailing father. He had been hospitalized in Ipoh, waiting to undergo chemotherapy. I must confess that I did not know much about this treatment, but I did know from stories I gathered from books and people that it was not an easy treatment at all. Not intending to cause any uneasiness on his side, I decided to forgo that topic in my reply and reminded Izmel to remain patient, and help his father as much as he can. Izmel never forgot to ask how I was doing and if I did well in my studies.

August 13, 2008. We exchanged a few more emails between now and then, but this was the last time I heard from him. No thanks to my busy schedule, it was always him who made the effort to start with a new email after we were both quiet for some time, and all I did was wait for that and replied. This time around, he told me that his father’s condition was getting worse. He could not stop thinking about him, and at times the thought of leaving his studies behind to look after him came across his mind. I tried to imagine the difficulty he was facing but I could not. As usual, I offered him some words of advice and urged him to remain upbeat despite the challenge. One thing that I was not sure about though was whether I myself was feeling upbeat, having listened to the story first-hand from him. Before he ended his writing, he thanked me for my willingness to listen to his story.

At times I tried to think of any other ways to help, words through email did not seem to have the power to reach much. Giving him a ring occasionally may not be a bad idea at all I thought, and perhaps I could arrange for a real visit to Ipoh when I get back. However, rather than trying to get the ideas materialized, I kept delaying any action to the point that at times I totally forgot about them. When it is not our problem, it is easy to let loose of the grip and stay calm. Others are struggling with their own life but we keep our eyes closed, we choose not to be aware of the surroundings. To say we are at fault does not sound quite right since it is not our responsibility in the first place, but when we are dealing with feelings of people, being ignorant is certainly not an option. Too bad I realized that when it was too late.

September 14, 2008. This was last Saturday. I did my routine as usual right after waking up, which was checking emails and updates from friends. Someone passed around the terrible news. Izmel’s father had lost his battle with cancer and passed away on Friday.

This post is not in any way intended to look back at the life of Izmel’s father, or the relationship I had with Izmel. It is merely a personal reflection of things that could and should be done, and also a reminder for the future.

I have yet to talk to Izmel until now. This time, my excuse is maybe he needs some time to recover before he can start to talk to people. I hope that I will not delay my action any longer, and I hope Izmel is doing fine. I pray that your father’s soul will forever be blessed, and may Allah place him amongst the pious.

Some Quick Laughs

A few funny incidents took place in class this week. In the first incident, my drilling professor was trying to explain the venue distribution for our mid-term exam that is going to be held next week when he made the statement;

“For postgraduate students, some of you will take the exam in the computer room of the School of Petroleum Engineering where there are computers, while the rest will go to the computer room where there are no computers."

Why would they want to name it computer room in the first place when it has no computers?

My 70-plus year old lecturer from another subject gave us an assignment last week, and two of my classmates were arguing on when is that assignment due. The first one was pretty confident that we are supposed to hand it in this week, while the second one was equally defiant in her belief that it will be due next week, going as far as to say that she even talked to that lecturer in person before to confirm on that. Too afraid that she might be wrong, and maybe fretting at the thought that she has not even started the assignment, that second classmate started to mumble;

“Hish I don’t like this situation, I don’t like him (our lecturer). He’s always like this you know. He’s... he’s…”

Noting that she struggled to find the right adjective, I tried to suggest ‘undecided’, or ‘unpredictable’ to her, but just when I was about to do that another classmate who sat close by chipped in, nonchalantly;

“…old”

One of the questions asked in our Petrophysics mid-term exam yesterday goes something like this:

“Which of the hydrocarbon reservoir described below will make the Petroleum Engineers happiest?”

Can exam questions be any more informal than that? Anyway, I would have answered ‘end of each month when they get their paycheck’ if not for the hydrocarbon reservoir and the fact that it was an objective question.

In the last incident, noticing that some of us have yet to do the submission of our assignments, my lecturer uttered these words;

“Well, deadline is a deadline. You’ll be dead if you don’t submit this work by the deadline.”

Faces of Defeat

Remember not a long while back I wrote something about the problem with being number two? Well as if my thought had been sensed, TIME magazine in their website produces a new photo essay entitled 'Second Place: Faces of Defeat' in conjunction with the future release of a new pictorial book by Sandy Nicholson of almost the same title.

Here is how they have got to say about this exciting new book:

"2nd captures contestants and competitors following the announcement that they have not won first prize. This gently ironic and at times humorous work explores the moments after personal hopes have been dashed. The project is about expectation and failure in the world of modern competitions. Loss and disappointment are the norm for a majority of competitors, even if the discrepancy between first and second place is minute.

All the subjects were photographed moments after they had stepped down from the podium or immediately following announcement of their standings."

I am no big fan of pictorial books, plus judging by the few photos released by TIME, I must say that I am a bit dissapointed since the pain of losing was not really demonstrated by the subjects in the photos. Still, it would be nice to have this as a personal collection.

Ahlan ya Ramadan!

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) addressed his companions on the last day of Sha`ban, saying, "Oh people! A great month has come over you; a blessed month; a month in which is a night better than a thousand months; month in which Allah has made it compulsory upon you to fast by day, and voluntary to pray by night. Whoever draws nearer (to Allah) by performing any of the (optional) good deeds in (this month) shall receive the same reward as performing an obligatory deed at any other time, and whoever discharges an obligatory deed in (this month) shall receive the reward of performing seventy obligations at any other time. It is the month of patience, and the reward of patience is Heaven. It is the month of charity, and a month in which a believer's sustenance is increased. Whoever gives food to a fasting person to break his fast, shall have his sins forgiven, and he will be saved from the Fire of Hell, and he shall have the same reward as the fasting person, without his reward being diminished at all." [Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah]

Here's wishing all of us to have a blessed and wonderful Ramadan. Let us all strive to become better persons starting from this holy month.